Last week my internet broke. Well, I guess it didn’t just “break”. The guy yielding the FiOS-killing edger CUT our beautiful Google-giving cable.

I looked at the thing with the light in the living room. It’s red.

Is it usually red? Probably not but it usually works so I don’t look at it. At all.

Go unplug the thing in the garage. Quickly count to 27 and just decide that’s long enough and plug it back in.

Still no connection.

Chat with the bot from my phone (it’s using my cellular signal!!) who tells me to unplug the thing and plug it back in.

It sends me to a human (probably). Who tells me to unplug the thing and plug it back in. Again.

What lights are flashing? None. I have a red light on one thing and a green light on a different thing.

Go check your modem.

Which one is that?

I decide it’s the one with the green light and he asks again about what lights I see and what colors. Again, there’s just one sad-ass light and it’s green when plugged in and off when it’s not.

The “human” sends a picture. I don’t have what’s in the picture. He says he’ll have to send someone out.

In 3 days!!

But I have clinic!!! What will I do?!?!

I text my husband in a panic while he’s in laser clinic. How am I supposed to see 13 patients with my ipad and phone?? He kindly responds telling me to set my mac up with my phone as a hotspot.

What is this sorcery? It works. For the 3 days until the FiOS is fixed.

I don’t understand the internet at all. Or wireless. Or hotspots.

I don’t know how many megs I need for anything. I just imagine I’m special enough to warrant 500Mbps and so feel cheated when it’s a download speed of only 138.

Who knows?

I’m also the person waving my phone above my head (I’m short remember) to try to improve my signal strength.

I blame the weather when it’s not working well.

Cue Bill Murray from Groundhog Day, “Is it snowing in space?”

How a satellite has to do with my chopped up fiber optic cable, I will never know.

I could look it up. But I don’t. And I accept my own make-believe explanations about how this whole internet thing works and what’s going on when it doesn’t.

But no more!

Today I looked up some things about the internet and now I will (probably) stop trying to get my arm 17 inches higher when checking out a full cart on Wayfair with a spotty signal.

Some random facts I learned from my not-in-depth-at-all search:

• WiFi transmits data using radio waves and doesn’t have anything to do with a satellite (Sorry Bill, that comment no longer applies)
• There IS interference from walls, doors, and other objects!!
• Weather CAN affect wifi! Heavy rain and thick fog reduce the strength of the radio waves which reduces range. But mostly it’s worse from lightning storms that cause power outages wherever the internet comes from.
• For using Zoom, the recommendation is speeds over 20Mbps. (Way less than what I pay for!) Even a fancy 1080p movie being streamed only need 12Mbps (or 35Mbps for 4K)

Has my life changed since learning these things?

Not really, but having a better understanding of how something works (which is also grounded in reality because no, it’s not snowing in space, which doesn’t actually matter) helps me feel like I have more control.

Does it feel like that when clients ask about how their Prozac works?

Why does talking this pill help me feel better? How does it work?

I’ve got your answers right here! At least the ones we think we have a pretty good understanding of right now.

​Today’s video is all about how SSRIs work (and it mostly applies to SNRIs too).

Mini-dose of neuroscience coming right up!

The main points:

In many depressed brains serotonin is low

This could be because there’s not enough being made/released, or it’s being cleaned up too quickly.

Who’s cleaning up? The serotonin transporter!

Which is where the SSRI goes (if someone is taking one)

The transporter picks up this not-serotonin freeloader, which is great because now it can’t take the serotonin back into the cell before it sends it’s message

Serotonin builds up and signals get stronger and eventually (vague hand wave explaining all the things) depression symptoms get better!

The video has more details and some very impressive drawings by yours truly, to help illustrate what’s happening.

It’s really quite a cool solution, when it works anyway, and we know it doesn’t always!

Now when you get med questions you no longer have to do that vague wave of your hand that shows something very important is happening based on your description. (I know the move; I did it a lot as an intern). The don’t-ask-me-any-more-questions-about-this-just-know-it-helps wave, used for things as unexplainable as Santa Clause delivering presents in 24 hours. Or the internet.

May Goolge always be available on your electronic device of choice.

Cheers to healthy brains,

Dr. B

Jess Beachkofsky, MD

Your friendly, online psychiatrist!

P.S. I’m in Alaska! It’s summer vacation time and it’s awesome! Hope you’re having a fabulous summer too, no matter what that means for you!!

P.P.S. The video about how SSRIs work right here!​

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